Goals, Chaos, and Bragging Rights: Union Berlin Host Köln in a Bundesliga Shootout

Right, let's talk about this one. Union Berlin versus 1. FC Köln. Saturday the 2nd of May 2026. Two mid-table sides who have spent the entire season leaking goals like a burst pipe. If you are looking for a tight, cagey, tactical masterclass... look elsewhere, mate. But if you want goals, chaos, and proper Saturday afternoon football? Pull up a chair.

Where Do These Two Actually Stand?

Look at the standings and it is closer than you might think. Union Berlin are sitting 11th, Köln are right behind them in 12th. We are talking neighbours in the table, neighbours-ish geographically if you squint at a map of Germany, and both sets of fans probably feeling a bit flat about how the season has gone. Neither club will be celebrating a great campaign. But this kind of match, end of season, local-ish pride on the line, nothing massive to play for except the result itself? These are the ones that can genuinely surprise you.

There is no massive gap between these two. No dominant side walking in expecting three easy points. That, if you ask me, makes it even more interesting.

The Goals Are Flying In... At Both Ends

Okay so here is where it gets properly spicy. Look at the numbers for a second, and I say this as someone who usually leaves the numbers to Marcus while I stare into the middle distance... these two have been absolutely open all season.

Union Berlin have scored 34 goals. They have conceded 52. Fifty-two! That is not a defence, that is a suggestion. A polite request for the opposition not to shoot.

Now look at Köln. They have put 44 goals in, which is actually decent, proper goals that. But they have let in 51. So between these two sides we are talking about 86 goals conceded across the season before they have even kicked a ball against each other on Saturday.

I actually looked at the numbers for once and even I could see what that means for this fixture. Both teams score. Both teams leak. You do not need to be a genius to work out what is likely to happen when you put them together. BTTS? Mate. Mate. Come on. How is that not your first instinct here?

The people over in the analytics world would probably fire up their xG models right now, and xG stands for "expected goals" by the way, a thing people use to sound clever about football while actual goals are happening on the pitch, and even their fancy numbers would be pointing the same direction. Goals. Lots of them. Probably.

Union Berlin at the Stadion An der Alten Försterei

Here is something worth respecting about Union Berlin. Their ground, the Stadion An der Alten Försterei, is one of the most genuinely atmospheric venues in German football. The fans there are proper. Old school. The kind of supporters who actually built parts of their own stadium. That is not a joke, look it up.

Home advantage means something at that place. The crowd gets behind the team, the noise is real, and sides coming to visit do not always find it easy even when they are the better team on paper. Köln travel there knowing they will not have it all their own way in terms of atmosphere.

Whether that translates into a result for Union is another matter given how their season has gone. But do not write off the home side just because the goals against column looks horrifying. They are at home. The fans will show up. That counts for something.

Köln's Goals Make Them Interesting

I keep coming back to Köln's attacking output because 44 goals is actually a decent number for a side sitting 12th. They have clearly had moments this season where they can really hurt teams going forward. The problem is the other end, same as Union, same story, just slightly different numbers.

If Köln can keep their attacking momentum going into Saturday and their defence does what their defence has been doing all season, which is being fairly generous to the opposition, then we could be in for something ridiculous. In the best possible way.

The Saturday Special Acca Corner

Right. You knew this was coming. I'm going big on this one.

Both teams to score is the obvious play and honestly it feels almost rude not to include it. Two sides with 86 goals conceded between them sharing a pitch? Both teams score. Done. Easy. Back of the net before I have even thought about it properly.

If you want to be a bit braver, and you know I always want to be braver, a correct score punt in the 2-2 or 2-3 range feels very much in the spirit of this fixture. Throw it in the acca alongside a couple of other Saturday BTTS picks and you have yourself a proper little five-fold for the afternoon.

Will it come in? Historically speaking, when it comes to my accas, the answer is usually a painful no. Back to the drawing board has practically become my catchphrase. But the logic is sound this week, and you heard it here first.

Don't @ me when it lands.

The Honest Verdict

Look, neither of these clubs is going to remember this season fondly when they look back at the final table. Eleventh and twelfth, goals haemorrhaging at both ends, no real glory to speak of. But football does not stop being football just because the stakes are not enormous.

These two sets of supporters deserve a proper game. The vibes at the Stadion An der Alten Försterei on a Saturday afternoon with something to play for between two sides who genuinely do not like losing to each other, that is what football is about at its core.

My honest read? Goals are coming. Probably from both sides. Union Berlin's home crowd gives them a slight edge in terms of atmosphere and momentum. But Köln have shown all season they can score, and a side with 44 goals in them does not suddenly forget how to find the net just because they are away from home.

Buckle up. This one has madness written all over it. Genuinely cannot wait.